Please HELP! IS THIS GOOD IN MY NOVEL!?

First, if Maggie is 18, I don't think that she would need an attorney to get away from her parents because she is already legally an adult. The other thing is that it is good that you are using dialogue, but this entire scene is just two characters talking. A novel should draw the reader into it so that we can picture the scene in our minds. When you have straight dialogue, there is no detail to help us along. It is ok to have short sections of straight dialogue; it lends importance to what is being said, but just like you shouldn't have only the narrator's commentary (you do a good job avoiding this), you should not rely completely on dialogue.