N.O.W. - anyone care to take a look at my revised paragraph?

Seems OK but if it was me writing I would add a few more details into the first sentences that make it clearer where you are and what it all looks and feels like. So it sets the mood and tone. For example, when you describe the ball in your hand at the bottom you talk about how it is firm and smooth. What about up the top? What is the crack caused by? How does the bat feel in your hands. Are you feeling cold or is it a hot humid day? What thoughts are going through your mind as you wait for the pitch?